Wednesday, August 12, 2009

How to Eat a Sandwich with an Almost-One-Year-Old

1. Get bread out of pantry and lunchmeat out of refrigerator.

2. Quickly scoop dead rolly polly off of floor as baby speeds toward it with a crazed look in his eye.

3. Spread mustard on bread.

4. Take dog hair out of baby's hand and mouth. Wash your hands and his.

5. Get cheese out of refrigerator.

6. Realize you're out of milk and orange juice as you're looking in the refrigerator. Quickly write these items on your shopping list.

7. Retrieve pen used to write said items on shopping list from baby. Try your best to wipe ink off of babys face without removing top 3 layers of skin.

8. Place lunch meat on bread.

9. Investigate noise of dog lapping liquid from the floor.

10. Remove baby from puddle of spilled apple juice and banish dog to back yard.

11. Mop up the spill.

12. Change baby's soaked clothes and give him quick sponge bath.

13. Notice baby's hamper is overflowing. Put on washing.

14. Place cheese on sandwich and put it all together.

15. Hear the phone on speaker phone making a call. Run to end the call, pray you won't see a long distance charge to Indonesia later this month, and place phone out of baby's reach amidst much protest.

16. Place sandwich on plate and sit down to enjoy lunch.

17. Tend to wailing baby who insists it is naptime.

18. Change baby's diaper, put him down for nap.

19. Eat sandwich and relish the peace and quiet while blogging about the experience.


  1. Hilarious! I so know what this is like... and there is light at the end of the tunnel! However, you'll find that as kids get older, it just other things with which they interrupt your sandwich making (and everything else!).

  2. your blogs are freakin' hilarious. i LOVE to read them!! haah!! miss you!! we need pizza nite SOON and VERY SOON!!:)

  3. So funny! I hope your sandwich was DELICIOUS. :)

  4. This is soooo TRUE and FUNNY! I know the feeling and mine isn't even crawling yet!

  5. Stephanie, you have the gift....I love you, Baby mine......

  6. You are hilarious and yet it's all so true!!! But we enjoy every minute of it,right???

  7. You've just described every meal I've ever tried to eat/prepare for the past 6 years! I LOVE it!!

  8. Steph, you're gonna miss this!

    These days, I eat in peace from the time I create my quick lunch, but I have no baby to snuggle with before their nap time. I have no baby chub to kiss. And there's no sweet bath time fun...

    Love you!