*He patrols every room, hallway, corner, closet, and nook in sight, never growing weary.
*He diligently watches over his toys, throwing them, smashing them, and banging them together 'til all is safe.
*He fearlessly treks around large objects, never to be deterred by a mere stumble, injury, or roadblock.
*He selflessly seeks and secures all loose objects which are not nailed down, placing them in his mouth where they rightfully belong.
*He rids the house of unseen june bugs who have met an untimely demise (DON'T ASK)
*He empties bottom shelves and drawers of pesky household items that stand in his way.
*He seeks and destroys any and all items made of paper. (Magazines are the most notorious villain of all)
*He boldly brings down even the strong by the sheer force of his voice.
*He captures the heart of his Mom, bringing her joy, laughter, and boundless love.
Such are the duties of the caped crusader, and I proudly tell you that he carries them out without hesitation, every day of the week.
The bulb syringe is his weapon of choice